


The Clone Wars Chat

by Commanderwolffe3636wp



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:34:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26603029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Commanderwolffe3636wp/pseuds/Commanderwolffe3636wp
Summary: The clone troopers of the GAR have been allowed to create group chats. What can possibly go wrong?
Comments: 19
Kudos: 39





	1. Random Craziness With the Wolfpack

Plo Koon has added Wolffe, Comet, Sinker, Boost, and Warthog to the chat...

Plo Koon: Hello, boys! I hope you're not causing too much trouble while I'm at the Temple

Boost: Slippers!

Comet: No comment -_-

Warthog: Really, Boost? Slippers?

Sinker: Red Hot Spicy Chicken Wings

Warthog: I want chicken wings

Wolffe: Boost, what is it with you and slippers?

Boost: Slippers! Slippers! Slippers! 

Comet: Again no comment -_-

Warthog: Obviously you have a comment, Comet. Otherwise, you wouldn't be saying anything!

Comet: I have no response

Warthog: You just responded. Are you-ugh nevermind...

Boost: I like to eat slippers for lunch

Comet: ...

Warthog: ...

Wolffe: ...

Sinker: ...

Boost: What? It's true!

Plo Koon: Good for you, Boost. Although, I'd rather you eat something more edible instead of slippers. Perhaps, something like chicken wings?

Sinker: RED HOT SPICY CHICKEN WINGS!!!

Plo Koon: Yes, precisely

Boost: Sure, why not. The slippers did taste kinda weird. They tasted like Sinker's feet. Although, it might be due to the fact I ate Sinker's slippers for lunch. 

Sinker: DID YOU SERIOUSLY EAT MY SLIPPERS

Boost: Maybe?

Warthog: How do you what Sinker's feet taste like?

Boost: IDK, maybe 'cuz I've tasted them before

Wolffe: How did I end up with the weirdest brothers in my pack? I mean seriously who tastes other people's feet?

Plo Koon: Now, now, Wolffe, be nice to your brothers. You should be glad they're part of your wolfpack.

Wolffe: If you say so

Comet: Nice? I don't think "nice" is even in Wolffe's vocabulary! I don't think he knows what it means.

Warthog: Comet's right. Wolffe definitely doesn't know how to be nice.

Wolffe: Hmmph... I can be nice. When I want to be. 

Boost: Which is like never.

Sinker: That's not true. What about that one time he helped Kix with getting Hardcase to the medbay? He reassured Hardcase that everything would be fine.

Comet: Yeah, everything would have been fine if Wolffe hadn't practically thrown Hardcase inside the medbay. He got a concussion because of it, his head hit the floor with a loud BAM... That is totally the definition of nice. Now Hardcase won't go anywhere near the medbay, or Wolffe. And Wolffe has gotten banned from helping Kix out in the medbay, and that banishment came from Kix himself. 

Sinker: Oh, yeah. I forgot about that minor detail. Oh, well.

Hardcase has hacked into this chat...

Hardcase: MINOR DETAIL? HOW DO YOU CALL THAT MINOR? I GOT A MAJOR CONCUSSION BECAUSE OF THAT IDIOT, WOLFFE! I WAS ONLY SUPPOSED TO GET A SHOT, BUT NOPE I GOT A CONCUSSION! 

Wolffe: First off, get outta this chat you weren't added. Second, I'm sorry about throwing you into the medbay but to be fair you did punch me in the face. Third, if you don't get outta this chat I will throw you into oblivion.

Hardcase: I don't care if I was added or not. If you kick me out I will just hack my way back in this chat. And I punched you in the face because I didn't want to go to the medbay. And I'm getting outta here before I'm thrown into oblivion, by the Big Bad Wolffe. 

Hardcase has changed Wolffe's name to: The Big Bad Wolffe

Hardcase has left the chat

Plo Koon: Well, that was random and unexpected. Wolffe, I can't believe you threw him into the medbay. Wolffe, because of this you are not sleeping with your teddy bear until further notice.

The Big Bad Wolffe: No, Teddy Weddy! 

Boost: LOL 

The Big Bad Wolffe: I mean how did you know I sleep with a teddy bear?

Plo Koon: A couple of the boys from the 501st told me. It was around the time of the Great Rubber Band War, and they came up to me telling me about your teddy bear. Don't worry, Wolffe I think it's cute you sleep with a teddy bear.

Comet: See, Wolffe? I told you I'm not the only one who thinks it's cute!

The Big Bad Wolffe: I am not cute, Comet. 

Comet: Are you sure?

The Big Bad Wolffe: Yes, I'm more than sure.

Comet: Yeah, you're not cute. The name Big Bad Wolffe makes you adorable!

The Big Bad Wolffe has changed his name to: Wolffe

Wolffe has changed Comet's name to: -_- The Menace -_-

Wolffe has left the chat

-_- The Menace -_- : How am I a menace? I was just having fun...

Sinker: RED HOT SPICY CHICKEN WINGS!

Boost: Sinker, please don't. You're making me hungry. 

Sinker: RED HOT SPICY CHICKEN WINGS! RED HOT SPICY CHICKEN WINGS!

Boost: Ugh... Sinker should've had his name changed to The Menace

-_- The Menace -_- has changed his name to: The Ultimate Comet

The Ultimate Comet: We should all change our names to something funny! I'm going to add Wolffe back, so we can see what his name will be.

The Ultimate Comet has added Wolffe to the chat

Wolffe: Why am I back here? Why is your name The Ultimate Comet?

The Ultimate Comet: We're all changing our names to something funny! Come on Wolffe, you should do it too! It'll be fun.

Wolffe: I'm not even going to try to get out of this. Fine, I'll do it.

Boost has changed his name to: Need a Boost

Plo Koon: I like the name! Good one, Boost!

Plo Koon has changed his name to: The Jedi General Klo Poon

The Jedi General Klo Poon: Before you ask, I did it intentionally. I like it this way, Klo Poon, instead of Plo Koon.

Warthog has changed his name to: The Warty Hog

The Warty Hog: I couldn't think of anything better

Wolffe has changed his name to: The Aggressive Howling Wolffe

The Ultimate Comet: The name suits you well, Wolffe

Sinker has changed his name to: RED HOT SPICY CHICKEN WINGS

Need a Boost: Change it

RED HOT SPICY CHICKEN WINGS: Fine

RED HOT SPICY CHICKEN WINGS has changed his name to: The Sinking Sinker Can't Swim

The Sinking Sinker Can't Swim: Better?

Need a Boost: Yup

The Jedi General Klo Poon: My council meeting has ended. I'll be back soon. Do you boys want spicy chicken wings for dinner? I bet Sinker does.

The Sinking Sinker Can't Swim: RED HOT SPICY CHICKEN WINGS!!! YES!!! 

Need a Boost: Anything is better than slippers for dinner. Especially if they're Sinker's slippers.

The Warty Hog: Sure, I like chicken wings!

The Ultimate Comet: Sure, just as long as they're not too spicy. I can't handle too spicy.

Need a Boost: But yet, you can handle me? We all know I'm the spiciest thing in the pack!!!

The Ultimate Comet: -_- Who said I can handle you? I literally cannot stand you sometimes! You're not spicy either so stop staying you are when you're not.

Need a Boost: Hmmph...

The Aggressive Howling Wolffe: I love chicken wings!

The Warty Hog: I literally see Wolffe, slobbering over the thought of chicken wings right now. Are you sure he isn't an actual wolf? I mean he is practically a wolf, the only thing missing is that he doesn't look like one! I mean he does bite the shinies for fun.

The Jedi General Klo Poon: Okay, then. I'm not even going to ask.

The Aggressive Howling Wolffe: I only bit a shiny a once. It was 'cuz he tried to wake me up while I was sleeping. Besides, I bit his hand not his neck. 

The Jedi General Klo Poon: Ok, well. I'm close to the barracks and I have the chicken wings. Let's eat!

The Jedi General Klo Poon has logged off

The Aggressive Howling Wolffe has logged off

The Ultimate Comet has logged off

The Sinking Sinker Can't Swim has logged off

The Warty Hog has logged off

Need a Boost has logged off

Hardcase has hacked into the chat again...

Hardcase: Ugh... Everyone's gone. WOLFFE SLEEPS WITH A TEDDY BEAR???!!! I'M TELLING REX AND CODY!!! Hmmm... maybe I could use this information as leverage for free doughnuts instead, just like I did with Cody, Waxer, and Boil. 

Hardcase has left the chat


	2. The Batchmates and the Hacker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Comet hacked into one of the chats. He just wants to talk to Wolffe but one of Wolffe's batchmates wants to kick him off the chat.

Rex: Hey, guys!

Cody: What up, Rex?

Wolffe: Hey, guys.

Ponds: 'Sup?

Bly: Hey bros

Fox: Hey! I need a break, the Chancellor's giving me way too much work.

Bly: Why are you doing HIS work for him?

Wolffe: Fox, are you forging his signature again? Is he actually making you forge his signature so he can get out of doing his work, again?

Fox: Yup. It's whatever, I guess.

Rex: Yo, Ponds! How'd you get your name?

Ponds: Not telling and no one else will either.

Rex: Why?

Ponds: Because I said so

Wolffe: He fell into a pond on his first mission. We should have named him ribbit or frog because when his head popped out of the water, there was a frog on his head. The frog had decided to make himself a pet, and he followed Ponds everywhere. Ponds pretended to hate it, but he still has the frog. He named it Ribbit, and he's in Ponds quarters.

Rex: Thanks, Wolffe! I knew you were my favorite batchmate!

Cody: Are you forgetting about my existence? Seriously, Rex?

Fox: Hey! That's not fair!

Ponds: That hurt, Rex. I've always been nice to you.

Bly: Rex, I thought I was your favorite batchmate.

Wolffe: HAHA! Suck it up, losers!

Plo Koon: Wolffe, I thought I told you to be nice to your brothers, before. At least, you're not biting them this time. Thank Force for datapad screens.

Wolffe: General Buirr! How'd you get in this chat?

Plo Koon: One of my amazing wolfpack sons hacked me into it!

Wolffe: Which one?

Comet: Hi, Wolffe!

Wolffe: Hey, Comet. What up, Lil' bro?

Comet: Nothing much.

Bly: Can we kick Comet out of the chat? He's not our batchmate. This is a batchmate only chat, not a "let the little bros hack their way into this chat", chat.

Comet: Bly, you're mean. Besides Wolffe won't kick me out of this chat. Will you, Wolffe?

Wolffe: I don't know. This is a batchmate only chat.

Comet: Please? I promise I'll be good.

Wolffe: Fine. But only this one time and that's it.

Bly: Seriously, Wolffe? C'mon!

Comet has changed Bly's name to: Bly's A BlubberHead

Bly's A BlubberHead: What does that even mean?

Comet: It means you're a blubberhead. Duh.

Rex: Comet, change my name!

Comet has changed Rex's name to: Rexsoka 4Ever

Rexsoka 4ever: Hmmm... I like it. What does it mean?

Comet: Rex and Ahsoka. Duh. Wolffe, your batchmates are kinda stupid.

Wolffe: I know. That's mainly the reason why I bit them all the time when we were cadets.

Comet has changed Ponds' name to: Ribbit the Pond Frog

Ribbit the Pond Frog: Are you always like this?

Comet: Yup.

Cody: Wolffe, can you make him stop? Please he's annoying. 

Comet has changed Cody's name to: Tea Time With The General

Wolffe: Nah, I won't make him stop. I'm just gonna let him do his thing. He knows better than to mess with me.

Comet has changed Wolffe's name to: Bite Bite With The Growling Wolffe

Fox: Really? Comet knows better than to mess with you, Wolffe? I beg to differ.

Comet has changed Fox's name to: Fox Hunt

Fox Hunt: I should've seen that coming...

Bite Bite With The Growling Wolffe: General Plo? Can you make him stop?

Plo Koon: Comet's just having fun. Let him have a little bit of fun, he's not doing anyone harm. He can continue doing this if he wants to. 

Comet has changed Plo Koon's name to: General Buirr

General Buirr: I'm sorry my wolfpack boys, but I have to go. I'll see you two later, and we'll have ice cream later.

Bite Bite With The Growling Wolffe: Okay, bye General Buirr. 

Comet: ICE CREAM? WE'RE HAVING ICE CREAM! YAY! BYE BYE BUIRR!

Bly's A BlubberHead: Now, we're going to kick you off this chat. You're annoying and I don't understand how the rest of the Wolfpack can handle you. Go away and be annoying to other people, not us. Don't hack back into this chat either, Comet. Or I'll put you on sanitation duty for a month. 

Bite Bite With The Growling Wolffe: Hey! You can't talk to him like that!

Comet: I was only trying to have fun. Don't call me annoying, Bly! If anything you're annoying. And yeah, I'll leave this chat. I'm not going to come back either, you all are boring! I'll see you later, Wolffe.

Comet has left the chat

Bite Bite With The Growling Wolffe: Good job, Bly. Now he's going to be in a sour mood for the rest of the day. And he's most likely not going to talk to you for a while.

Bly's A BlubberHead: I guess I am a blubberhead. Poor Comet.

Fox Hunt: Bly you might wanna start hiding from Comet. He just asked me where you were and he's carrying a shovel. Ponds you might wanna go and rescue Ribbit the frog. Comet's holding him.

Ribbit the Pond Frog: WHAT? HE BETTER NOT HURT MY FROG! SOMEONE HELP ME SAVE RIBBIT!

Bite Bite With The Growling Wolffe: Don't worry about Ribbit. Comet likes frogs, I don't know why. He kept pestering me to let him see Ribbit, ever since I told him you had a frog. Comet won't hurt him. Bly on the other hand... He might want to go and hide. 

Bly's A BlubberHead: HELP ME! WOLFFE, YOUR PUP OF THE PACK IS CHASING ME DOWN THE HALL WITH A SHOVEL! COMET'S CRAZY! SOMEONE HELP ME!

Fox Hunt: Nope. I ain't helping. I have the Chancellor's signature to forge. 

Ribbit The Pond Frog: You're on your own. I got my frog to rescue. He might fall out of Comet's hand while he's chasing Bly with a shovel.

Rexsoka 4ever: Sorry can't help you. General Skywalker's mad, again. Someone pranked him with sand, again.

Tea Time With The General: I don't have time to help you. General Kenobi has invited me over for tea.

Bly's A BlubberHead: Fine. Wolffe, can you save me from your crazy pup of the pack?

Bite Bite With The Growling Wolffe: Nope, and if you hurt the pup, you'll have another person chasing you with a shovel. 

Bly's A BlubberHead: Fine. I gotta go save myself without anyone helping me! You guys are the best batchmates ever. 

Bly's A BlubberHead has logged off


	3. Comet Strikes Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Comet decides to say hi to Wolffe's batchmates.
> 
> Or Comet needs Fox to forge Chancellor Palpatine's signature

Comet: Hey, guys! I know this is a batchmate only chat but I'm here.

Rex: Hey Comet! What up Lil' wolf pup?

Fox: Hi, Comet.

Cody: Don't let Bly catch you! He'll be mad! Oh, and hi!

Wolffe: Comet! What are you doing?

Comet: What does it look like I'm doing? I'm chatting with you and your batchmates! Duh...

Ponds: 'sup?

Bly: HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY THIS? COMET, YOU'RE NOT WELCOME HERE!

Comet: And how many times do I have to say that I don't care?!

Wolffe: I said you were allowed that ONE day when you hacked into the chat. Comet go away, okay? Text with the rest of the wolfpack.

Comet: Wow, rude. 

Bly: GET OUTTA HERE, NOW! OR I'LL MAKE YOU! EVEN WOLFFE DOESN'T WANT YOU HERE!!!

Comet: I'm not even here for you! I just need Fox, okay?

Fox: Why do you need me? I barely know you!

Comet: I need you to forge Chancellor Palpatine's signature for me.

Fox: Why? 

Comet: So I can have my OWN speeder bike and PRIVATE shooting range

Fox: No! We are not wasting the Republic or the Chancellor's money for you to get a speeder bike or your own private shooting range!

Comet: Quit acting like you don't waste the Republic's money for getting those double chocolate chip brownies all the time!

Rex: Hold on, what?!!!

Ponds: Fox! Really?

Wolffe: Sly Fox

Fox: How'd you know about that?! Comet!

Comet: I have my ways. Now, are you going to forge his signature or what? I have a lot more info on you that I'd be willing to share.

Fox: Fine, fine. I'm forging the signature now...

Wolffe: Comet? You better share that speeder and the shooting range with the rest of the pack and me.

Comet: Well, obviously. I got it for the wolfpack!

Fox: Well, technically I got it. I'm the one that has been forced to forge a signature!

Chancellor Palpatine: Commander Fox, can you explain why I was billed for a speeder bike and a shooting range? 

Fox: Um...

Comet: Well, Bly. I'm out of here! Bye!

Chancellor Palpatine: FOX!!! EXPLAIN THIS, NOW! I'M ALSO GETTING BILLED FOR DOUBLE CHOCOLATE CHIP BROWNIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fox: Ummm...


	4. Trouble With Tattoos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Comet gets a tattoo when he knows that Wolffe won't allow it. Wolffe is mad because of what Comet did and that Warthog wants a tattoo now.

Boost: Uh, Wolffe? 

Wolffe: What is it, Boost? I'm really busy right now and I don't have time for your nonsense. This better be important.

Sinker: It's kind of important. I mean it's about something that Comet just did. 

Wolffe: What did he do now? 

Comet: Nothing, I did nothing! I'm innocent and I certainly did not go against your orders! Do not believe what Sinker and Boost say.

Wolffe: Comet, what did you do? What orders did you go against?

Comet: I didn't do anything! I'm innocent, I swear!

Warthog: We should all know by now, that Comet is the exact opposite of innocent. Wolffe, you're going to be really mad when you find out what he did.

Comet: Warthog, shut up. If you tell on me, I will paint your starfighter bright pink. 

Warthog: Please don't. 

Wolffe: Would you just tell me what the kriff that Comet did? I will put you all on sanitation duty for the next five months if you don't tell me what's going on.

Comet: Wolffe, have I ever told you how great of a brother you are? 

Wolffe: Comet, I know what you're doing and it's not working, okay?

Boost: Comet, broke a rule. One of the big rules, Wolffe.

Sinker: Yeah, and the thing that he did can't be undone.

Warthog: It could be undone but it'd just be painful.

Comet: Don't tell him. I swear to Jango if you tell him, I will never forgive you.

Wolffe: I have work to do, okay? Just tell me what he did!

Boost: Comet, why don't you tell him?

Sinker: After all, it was your idea.

Warthog: Yeah, and you knew you weren't allowed to do it.

Comet: Ugh, fine. Wolffe, I got a tattoo.

Wolffe: YOU DID WHAT? 

Comet: I got a tattoo. Can't you read? 

Wolffe: COMET! I TOLD YOU NOT TO GET A TATTOO BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO YOUNG!

Comet: I am not young. I'm 20, okay? Besides you have a tattoo!

Wolffe: No, you're actually 10. The accelerated age doesn't count. I told you that you could get a tattoo when you're 12. I am 16, okay? I can make my own decisions but you can't. 

Comet: Oh whatever. I just got one 2 years, early. It's not a big deal. 

Boost: It is a big deal. Sinker and I waited forever to get a tattoo. 

Sinker: Yeah, it's not fair. We waited forever and then you get one when you're 10. 

Warthog: If Comet got a tattoo early, then can I get my tattoo early?

Wolffe: No, you cannot. 

Warthog: That's not fair! Comet's 10 and I'm 11! I turn 12 in 3 months! Not in two years, like Comet! 

Wolffe: Yeah? I'm extremely mad at Comet if you hadn't noticed. 

Comet: It's just ink! Get over it!

Boost: Don't think you're not getting out of this, Comet. 

Sinker: Just because you're the pup of the pack, doesn't mean you'll get out of trouble for getting a tattoo.

Warthog: I want a tattoo. Wolffe, let me get one! 

Comet: There's nothing you can do about it, Wolffe. I know you're not going to have me get the tattoo lasered off. 

Wolffe: Warthog, you'll get a tattoo in three months. It's not that long of a wait. And Comet? I don't want you to get it lasered off but you're still in trouble. You're on sanitation duty for the next four rotations. 

Boost: That's not even a punishment! Do you know how long it took for us to turn 12? That is so not fair!

Sinker: You're only doing it because he's the pup! Wolffe, I demand you to make him do something else! Make him clean the entire battalion's refreshers for the next 3 months!

Wolffe: I actually like that idea. Comet, your cleaning the 104th's refreshers. Just for today, not 3 months. 

Comet: What? That isn't fair! I'm not cleaning the refreshers!

Boost: It is fair! 

Comet: Is not.

Boost: Is too!

Comet: Is not.

Sinker: Is too and you know it!

Warthog: You want to know what's unfair? The fact that Comet gets a tattoo, when he's 10, but I can't get one and I turn 12 in 3 months! That's not fair! 

Comet: Too bad, Warthog. Deal with it.

Warthog: Wolffe, lemme get a tattoo!

Wolffe: Comet, what even is your tattoo?

Warthog: Sure, okay. Just go ahead and ignore me. That's fine.

Comet: Well, the one on my shoulder is the Wolfpack symbol, and the one on my chest is a comet. 

Wolffe: Of course, you got more than one tattoo. I'm not surprised.

Warthog: LEMME GET A TATTOO! WOLFFE, LEMME GET ONE NOW! IT'S NOT FAIR! I'M THE ONLY ONE IN THE WOLFPACK WITHOUT A TATTOO! IT'S NOT FAIR!

Wolffe: Fine, but only because you're being annoying about it.

Warthog: Yay! I'm going to get a starfighter or something as my tattoo!

Boost: Wolffe, didn't you get a tattoo when Fox told you not to?

Wolffe: Yeah, but he let me get one after I threatened to bite him.

Comet: Of course you did.

Wolffe: Comet, why aren't you cleaning the refreshers?

Comet: This is not fair. It's just ink but whatever. Make me go and clean the refreshers. See if I care. 

Wolffe: Next time, don't go against my rules.

Comet: Fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *These are the ages that I made up for them.
> 
> Ages of each Wolfpack Trooper:
> 
> Wolffe: 16 
> 
> Boost and Sinker: 14
> 
> Warthog: 11
> 
> Comet: 10


End file.
